white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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