meet me or not, i'm out of control
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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