just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
