i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
