wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize