So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
