You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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