that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
