Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
