i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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