she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
