brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
