he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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