He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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