I just threw up on my dentist
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I came so hard my ears popped.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
