I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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