i would punch a child for taco bell
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
