the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
