I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
