the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
