her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
