when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize