dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Plan B is the new Plan A
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
