ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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