how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
