I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
