Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
