Do you still have your period?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
