We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
