member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
vagina is talking i cant
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
