I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
