I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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