God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
