he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
