Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
