if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In other news, I just burned my penis
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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