Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize