Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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