dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
