The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
