he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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