dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
