He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
