I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
