He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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