You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
