i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
