chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
is that a dick in a sweater?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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