Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
