Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
