i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
