So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
