My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
