Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
