sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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