Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
