i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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