Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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