I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The adults are the big ones right?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
