To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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