Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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