so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
