Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
