Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
