I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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