I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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