dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize