apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
