I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
