Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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