i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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