I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
