You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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