afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
