This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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